Finally, here are the answers to some of those nagging song questions you keep hearing from the radio, jukebox, your television or phone-slash-portable-dojiggy. Lori Lopez has taken a moment to reflect upon these issues and settle them once and for all. We hope you will find her responses helpful.
I think so — No, it just changed, now I know, wait, wrong again, it's — Too late, never mind.
I think it's rhetorical but if not, the answer would probably be "no" since my left ear isn't in its right mind.
Hmm, that's debatable. I'd guess you probably don't most of the time. In fact, I don't even think I do ...
That's a toughie. I'd say it has something to do with those little plastic army men they play with as kids!
Oh, well, that's a very deep subject. I'd say it's everything that death is not??? Am I right?
I love rain, but the drops go by so fast, it's all a blur. I'm not sure I have seen it, now that you ask.
Okay, you'll have to be more specific. It might be nice, I can't really be sure. It could be awful for all I know!
Tell me about it, I'm confused too. One day I have followers on Twitter, the next day I don't, then I do.
To begin with, why ask "Why?" when you could ask "What?" or "How?" or "Where?" You didn't think of that, did you? Why always why?
Funny you should ask, I've been wondering that too. It's a question I often ask myself but can never answer.
Wow, that's pretty profound, but how should I know? I lost my Mickey Mouse watch years ago.
Oh gosh, that's a doozy. Where do I begin? For starters, my name's not Alfie!
The question is, have you seen you? I'm not even sure what you look like, so I'm not a very reliable witness.
Come on, there's plenty to worry about! That's like asking "Why sigh?" or "Why climb Mount Everest?" It's human nature!
I did but I forgot. If I could find my California map I'd tell you but I think my chipmunk ate it.
Well, that's just ridiculous. No one can be me. I can't even be me half the time! But I might be you ...
That's what I was thinking, especially my life! Sometimes it's downright bizarre. When it's strange, that's normal.
We'd all like to know the answer, but they didn't teach it in school. Guess we'll never know.
I wonder that every time the mailman goes by ... running from a pack of hyenas and wolves.
That's what I'd like to know! There's a recession, the world's going to end, it's back-to-school time ... Which is it?
Ah, that is the question. But the question is also, "Who's asking, you or me?" I mean, I'm me, but you could be anyone!
Who again? Well, at least you're not asking "Why?" Little kids always ask why. I just hand them a book.
That's a very good question! I'm so entertaining, yet I can't seem to build a steady "followship" for my humor!!!???
Spinning out of control. Last I saw it bounced out and rolled down a hill, skimmed under a semi, then I lost track ...
Well, now is as soon as I can get to it, but I'm really pretty busy right now so I'm not sure when that will be ...
This is definitely a little kid question! Just a minute, I'm looking for the right book — hey, where'd you go?
I'm sure yesterday will be just as good! Let's see if you have a fever: stick out your tongue and say "Ah!"
No, actually, you can find more "Question Songs And Answers" below ... Seriously, this isn't the bottom of the list! Keep reading! Are you blind?
With me, it's probably my sense of humor. With you, well, you know ... that problem you have ... come on, don't make me say it ... all right, fine, your head's on backwards!
Yes, pouring a whole bucket of bright blue paint on your face will probably have that effect.
Let's leave my mother out of this!
Uh, yeah, sure, if you give me the shovel. But this is gonna cost you, especially if I get blisters!
Mm-hmm. Saucers, huh? No, I can't say as I did, but the little green men probably know where they are.
I hate to admit this, but my knees do tend to shake when he comes knocking.
I might be. Define happiness. I just want to make sure we're both talking about the same thing.
Yes, fairly often. Is that normal? Am I more irregular than I thought? What aren't you telling me???
No, but I'm going to eat this. You can have that. I'm a vegetarian, so I only eat this and this but never that. Whatever that is. I prefer this. I think.
I make it a habit to never tell orcs anything. Unless they drag it out of me. They can be very persuasive. All they have to do is breathe in my face. That usually works.
Er, um, don't you mean "el pollo"? I'm no expert but everybody knows that from El Pollo Loco! Oh, I see, you're missing your head. That explains it.
Capital idea! Jolly ho, and what do you say to a spot of tea? You can bring the cream! I'll fetch the marmalade and biscuits. We'll need someone else to bring the cups. And saucers. And spoons. Is that everything? Oh, silly me, we'll need some tea! Very good, I shall call The Mad Hatter at once! What's that? Tennis, you say? You should have thought of that sooner! It's tea time now, isn't it?
It depends. Sometimes they blink.
Yessir, step right over to the witness box and pick yourself out a nice big one!
Ding-ding, bong-de-bong, toot-toot, wibble-wibble, laaaaa-dee-daaaaahhh! That's alien for "Where were you? I've been calling for hours! It's time for supper!"
Probably The Umbrella Man. Or The Drought Man. Maybe even Mother Nature, if you ask her nicely.
Hmm, I'm not sure. I try to avoid that as much as possible. At least I think I do, but don't quote me on that. I'm still a bit undecided. I'm going to say maybe.
I'd like to, really I would. It isn't you, it's me. I simply don't have time right now for anything other than Twitter. I hope you understand.
Yeah, but I forget what it is. I'll try to remember. I know it's in here somewhere. Nope, that's not it. Maybe ... No, that's for somebody else, I'm not sure who. I can't seem to recall what I myself should know either. I need to clear out some of this debris cluttering my brain. Two plus two. I don't need that. The square root of Pi? Lose it. My date of birth? Already forgotten ...
Now that you mention it. Probably that garlic snack bar you just ate. Or losing your toothbrush three years ago.
Well, if it isn't me ... and it's not ... who does that leave? Take your time, you'll get it eventually. Uh-huh, keep thinking. Not the dog. Don't look at the cat. Bingo! Now you're catching on.
The grass is always greener. Except where it doesn't rain. Some people WISH it would rain on them. They make up dances, hoping for a drop of compassion to pour down from the sky. Others complain — it's raining too much! People are never satisfied.
Excellent question. I've been asking that ever since I started tweeting on Twitter! I don't think my messages are being heard or I would have a horde of followers by now, instead of five! Make that four.
Yep, it does. I keep telling everyone the world is turning faster but no one believes me.
Who says I'm sure? Huh? Where'd you hear that? I ain't sayin' nuttin about nuttin'! In fact, I can neither confirm nor deny that we are having this conversation!
Do what? Who said I did something? What's going on here, is this The Spanish Inquisition? Just what am I supposed to be doing? Because I can assure you I didn't, or don't. I wasn't even there, if I knew where there was. You've got the wrong person! I'm innocent, innocent I tell ya!!!
Yes, you can step out of the vehicle. And step away from the vehicle. Far far away. And next time, if there should ever be a next time, you will NOT bring your pet leeches along for a ride!
We could if we knew what was wrong with it. But we don't because somebody lost the instructions. Someone who shall remain nameless but looks a lot like you, perhaps? Yeah, Bob, I'm talkin' to you!
First of all, what's with all the questions? Oh, right, it's a list of questions. Practically a questionaire, heh-heh. Did you see how I changed the subject? Flowers, what flowers? I didn't see any flowers! And my dog didn't chew them up, either! He only likes homework, and sneakers. And burying bones. Got any bones on ya?
Okay, I'll try, but I can't guarantee results. Especially since I don't have the slightest clue what we're talking about. But if you insist, I'll give it my best, really I will. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Is it done? Is what done? How should I know? I said I would try. I didn't say WHAT I would try. As it turns out, I'm trying to take a nap so go away.
Another whiner. Boohoo, why me? I'll tell you why you, because it had to be someone! It always has to be someone. That's just how it is.
What do you mean how? I said that's how it is. Now you expect me to explain what HOW is? Next you'll be talking to cows! Tell them "moo" for me.
Ah, the classic Charlie Brown Complex. We all go through it at some point or other in our lives. Feelings of clumsiness. Inadequacy. Like our dog is smarter, cooler, and more popular than we are. All I can tell you is, SNAP OUT OF IT!!! You'll just have to accept the way things are. It isn't a phase. You'll never outgrow it. You're stuck being you. Get used to it.
Did I miss something? I feel as if the conversation started without me. Were you talking behind my back? And now you're asking my opinion? I don't play those games. I know what you're up to. You're trying to make me think that I'm losing my mind. Well, you're too late! That train has left the station! And I wasn't on it. You were! So what do YOU think, eh?
Of course we're ourselves. Who else would we be? I know I said I might be you. I said a lot of ridiculous things. That wasn't me. I don't know who it was, but it wasn't me. I wasn't myself then. But I am now. I really am. It's me! Don't you believe me?
I just had that sensation where you think something is familiar — as if I've been asked this before! But I wasn't, isn't that weird? Oh well, the answer is still the same either way. I have no idea what you're referring to. Is my nose too long? Is this list too long? Are my toenails too long? I really can't give you an answer without more clarification. Let's just say, it's only too long if it bumps into things.
Whatever you'd like. As long as it doesn't offend anyone. And as long as it isn't about mooses or meeses. I'm allergic to them. Anything else is fine. Except most of the words in The Oxford Dictionary. I'm rather afraid of those, along with three-eared bats. They give me a rash. Oh, and please don't mention olives. The green ones. I have an irrational fear of them.
Step on a nail. That was easy.
Absolutely. Except for one small detail. I didn't catch what you were saying. My mind tends to drift. Could you please repeat everything after opening your mouth and taking a breath?
We can all dream! That's what's so great about life. Dreaming and then waking up and realizing it was just a dream. Oh, you meant the other kind. Yes, that's nice too. Reaching for the stars, wanting to achieve great things ... Good luck with that. I'm going back to sleep.
No, no, not me. Why would you ask such a thing? Your eyes are getting sleepy ... Watch the shiny pendulum ... No, I'm actually a dog trainer. You will bark like a dog when I snap my fingers ... At the count of ten you will play dead ... Yeah, business is kinda slow since I forgot to lock the kennel door. My dogs ran away. You will roll over and sit up and beg ...
Hmm, didn't notice. Perhaps they moved. Or maybe ... they didn't. Maybe they're right here among us, pretending to be ... NOT normal.
I'd like my luck to improve, some fame and fortune, a happy ending, a house in the woods, a pet grizzly bear. The usual.
Quite a burning question. Really important. And deep. Very deep. I'm going to have to ponder long and hard. Then I'll tell you it's around your neck. The last place you would think of looking.
I stretch out on the floor and concentrate. It takes a great deal of concentration. I close my eyes once I'm certain there's nothing lurking in the closet. I don't have to worry about under the bed. Smart, huh? I allow the sleep fairies to wrap me in a silken cocoon, while The Slumber Possum reads me a bedtime story. In six months I emerge from hibernation and stretch my tentacles. Just like everybody else.
I was curious about that myself. The sea monsters who are in control assure me I'm supposed to have twelve limbs. I don't know about you, but I've never felt better. Pass the salt. And the jellyfish.
Finally, something I know! I'm a writer! Thank you for asking! Now, what was the question again?