In life there are periods of calm punctuated by phases of unrest when things become hectic. And then there are times when You-Know-Where breaks loose and we are thrust into a state of absolute havoc. But that isn’t what I wish to discuss. It’s simply an observation. We all have those sudden cliffhangers when the tension is cranked beyond our limit. When we’re dangling by a scrawny filament or skating on a brittle sheet of ice. We may even feel disoriented, like our life is not our life. Picture if you will a cuckoo bird landing on a crab-apple tree, surrounded by grumpy fruit. A rooster whose inner alarm-clock was reset from A.M. to P.M. You know what I’m talking about. The fowl playbook of Drama when the world is fine one minute and the next goes bat-doodoo bonkers. It happens all of the time in Fiction, because it can happen in real life. Fiction often holds a mirror up to Reality and says, “Ah-ha!” It might holler “Shazam!” while you step through The Looking-Glass into a world turned upside-down or on its ear, and whether a Red Queen or an ugly dude with blades for fingers is there to greet you, that’s when you know you’re in trouble and you’d better pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming.
The thing you need to remember as your world veers askew is that it will probably regain its balance soon. Or a semblance of normality. Life will go on. It may not be the same. The universe is in flux. Things change, however much we would like to keep them in a jar. On a shelf. In the basement. You will get through this. The cuckoo bird will find its clock, the rooster will crow at dawn, and the sun will come up tomorrow so . . . hang on, hang in there, hang ten, hang up the phone and talk to people face to face!
But that’s not what I’m trying to say here. I’m trying to remember what I’m trying to say. Something about, oh right, havoc. (Good thing I wrote it down at the top of the page. I’m a little, shall we say, absent-minded.) Well, one thing I could say (whether it is what I intended to say or isn’t) is that it has made me who I am and am not. It brought me to where I stand today, on this very spot in time in fact, and here we both are. Whatever beacon drew us into a similar trajectory, whatever forces led you to this momentous occasional instance of tomfoolery, raise a fist toward the sky and declare “Huzzah!” If you think about it, the odds were against it, and being here together is phenomenal. I tip my hat; nay, I take my hat off to you for the miracle of your presence in my stream of unconsciousness, the happenstance of my humboggery. (Okay, this sounds more like something I might say. Now we’re getting somewhere! I think. I can’t say for sure. I had an idea and it flitted away like a butterfly with an appointment; zoom, it was gone! Or more like pffft. That happens to me a lot. Dratted butterflies!)
The difference between humbug and a humbog, by the way — or by the by, if you prefer — is less than the doodle of a dumb bunny’s left ear. I just thought I should mention that to clear things up a hare.
Getting back to my pointlessness, and by that I mean there is no point to the pencil as I’ve forgotten to sharpen it again, I should be saying (hopefully not spraying) that I am very glad you’re back. You’ve been gone awhile, whoever you are, and I’ve missed you. Dreadfully. Drearily. I hope you’ve missed me too in the absence of stupendous drivel — of which one can never have enough, for there is never too much senseless babble in my opinion, not that my opinion matters more than a bump on a twig. It is nice to see you (I think), and you should really stop by this spot more often. Not too often. Monthly might be nice. Yes, I’ll see you next month.
Oh, um, this is awkward. You’re still here. Well then, I guess I’ll have to wrack my bean for something else to ponderously maunder on about . . .
Sorry, I’ve got nothing. Except a flash of déjà vu. As you must know if you’ve been here before (I really can’t be sure), I’m always afraid that I’ve already said something. Whatever I’ve just said. Oh dear, I’m afraid I’ve said that too! My head does get pretty foggy. And when that clears away, it is basically stuffed with cotton fluff — betwixt the clutter of utter nonsense and pseudo-coherent details in countless piles of projects. There isn’t a lot of space to think or remember or keep things straight. I need my own personal lighthouse, or a blinking lightbulb bouncing above my hat on a spring. Yes, that might help. I’m apt to forget what I had in mind or on the tip of my tongue, unless I write it down. Then I forget to check the notes or lose track of the lists. There are too many, stacked everywhere in precarious towers of hoardish jumble! It’s confusing. At least, I think it is. Other than the bursts of inspiration when my brain springs a leak and the stuffing pours out. When I manage to scribble a verse, tell a tale, or step up onto my podium, which makes me incredibly tall, and deliver some statement or other to the world. I tend to do that now and then. It’s like a twitch, a compulsion, one of those incessant facial tics. I get those, actually. They’re like the annoying habits that latch on like an alien lifeform clutching your face. (I get that also.) Like an amoeba swimming across the pool of your unfocused vision. (Yep, that too.) Like a hairy growth on the end of your nose. (Oh my, I’m afraid to look in the mirror.) Like a furry spider staring you in the eye. (Howdy, little fella!) Like an attitude that’s in your face. (I try to avoid those whenever possible — running is good . . .)
Excuse me. I have to wheeze. Even figurative exertion is so tiring. I’m a desk tomato. It’s like a couch potato. Some would argue it doesn’t qualify as a vegetable. I disagree. Some pronounce tomato and potato differently. Whatever. It isn’t important! I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I’m a private person and seldom speak to just anyone. Oh right, you’re not anyone. You’re whoever you are. And not that there’s anything much to speak of in my mind, or off the top of my head even, besides food for thought and the fodder of my imaginings. It’s pretty obvious my brain is as vacant of idle chatter as a footless shoe, a fingerless sandwich, a lifeless boat, a book without a mark, a needle wearing an eyepatch after its eye fell out and rolled away. There are many comparisons to how empty-headed I am of smallish talk and insignificance. Anything of substance is tucked away in files or spills out onto the page, and the muck that remains evaporates into the atmosphere (of my writing, not the sky) . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Now that I’ve managed to bore you to tears (you can empty the buckets over there), I would like to add that I do not have anything else to add. You can shuffle off to Buffalo or Hippo or Elephant or any other large mammal. Just don’t stick around here. I insist. There’s nothing to see, aside from an idiotic verse or two. Or three. Or four. Maybe more. Duck under the Caution Tape and flee, that is my advice. Do not say I didn’t warn you. Or try to get rid of you. I tried my best. Or perhaps it was my worst. I’m not sure. There isn’t much difference.
I fear I’m being redundant. That’s one of my phobias. I wish I could remember what I’ve said and haven’t said. It would really be useful. Please forgive me if I repeat myself. It is not on my agenda. But it’s bound to happen. There are only so many letters! I’m bound to run out of ways to rearrange and contort them. It’s why I make up words! There just aren’t enough to say everything. And to not say anything again.
So there you have it. Another perfect example of what I wasn’t attempting to express, or hint at, or allude to, or simply babble. I hope you can sympathize with my plight. It’s havoc to be me. I wouldn’t wish it on a squirrel. Or a nut. Or a speck of dust cartwheeling through the cosmos. Not that I’m complaining. It isn’t so bad. I’m kind of used to it. (Not really. I’m just being polite.) Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’ll be in my Rumpus Room playing with my toys. In other words . . . with words. Get it? I made a funny.
Wow. This indeed should illustrate the havoc of my ways. I’m afraid it’s too late for pity. Just throw raspberries. Lots and lots of raspberries. I like raspberries. They’re squishy.
Oops. Was that my brain? It doesn’t matter. Look, it’s squishy too. And pink. I hate pink. I thought it would be grayer.
Don’t mind me. I’ll be over here fingerpainting the walls. Read some poems. Go ahead. What have you got to lose? Only a little sanity . . .
Havoc
They say it is sheer but I see it as dense
Less gauzy than a rumplish stiltskinned flense
Once possessed of great beauty to an appreciative eye
Somersaulted with delinquence like bittersweet pie
The mere sound of havoc can split my eardrums
With Metal-band clamor and racing gear hums
I am swept in a frenzy of topsy-turve woes
That can rack me to ruin or trample my toes
Through the course of a hurricane’s tempestuous smither
Such will rattle my bones and cast me adither
Havoc thrills me then spills me in a heap of frazzle
A bewildering flurry of scurrilous dazzle
Upending my views and unsettling the peace
An electroshock therapy of lightsocket grease
To whimmy my whams and stir up my jams
In tremendous exacerbated breathless slams
Of dunked donuthole dips into harborless lips
That guzzle the drink of a bay without ships
Till I’m bound in snug knots that cannot be undone
A wayward direction erratically spun
Taking tumbleweed strides that skip past the loo
Into Tweedledee footsteps gummier than glue
That adhere to the ceiling instead of the floor
I can walk on the walls, no rules anymore
Once life hits the fan blades, confetti will fly
In a dance-number odyssey across the sky
When my life is a havoc of impulsive surges
That sing with the pallor of funereal dirges
Contradictive, rollercoasting, an abrupt downslide
My bobblehead of marbles clattering inside
To the tenor of a band with an unsteady beat
That jumps like a heart without any feet
Driving me crazy, chauffeured by grim Charon
Black-robed gondolier, on his shoulder a heron
Ferrying dreamers but I am starkly awake
To endure the madness, to tremor and quake
An insomniac in a boat of narcolepts
As he rigidly steers the undermost depths
Bucking the current of the Stygian abyss
Like a Disneyland ride with something amiss
Frighthouse ghoulies pop up here and there
River monsters lend oomph to the scare
And we sail into Havoc, let come what may
Though we are not quite ready for Judgement Day
With safety in numbers, we can feel less alone
And the devil may take us to his dark brimstone
We will find a way out, I am confident
From this journey through Hell, neath the firmament
Lest these sinking spirits be dragged to the base
By the dismal tide of this ghastly place
Where all traces of joy must be wiped clean off
And nothing remains of hope but a cough
For, you see, at our lowest if belief runs thin
The havoc will devour us from within.
Batty
“Poor thing,” they said as they locked me up tight.
“There’s no hope for a crazy lady. Have a good night!”
I was left to rot in a narrow cell
Made of wicker like a basket weaved in Hell
By demons with a terribly dark sense of humor
Walls barbed and deadly, poison-tipped was the rumor
I must sit very still and not move one inch
If I have a cramp, I cannot even flinch
And the worst part is, I committed no crime
I had fought no war, yet am doing hard time
I’ve searched my brain for a possible reason
My thoughts are hollow, there had been no treason
I was not even batty before being confined
Yet experience can reshape and contort the mind
Now I’m guilty as accused, no chance of release
I can’t even call for help, the police . . .
I’ve been trying to think outside of the box
It’s like dancing for rain, being pelted by rocks
Fate can be callous and cruel without luck
You might as well be a fish in a duck
Send a postcard or flowers, I’ll be here for a while
With nothing to do but wear a weird smile.
Lost
Pale emeralds shower in a suspended binge
Of torn-paper hopes and jagged fringe
The tears of a crocodile polka-dotting the floor
As wind claps its hands with a flapping door
An array of gem fragments that dance midair
Bejewel a window but marginally there
Until sun-whisked away in the twink of an eye
And again the croc is compelled to cry
An endless cycle of vaporous emotion
Like the rise and fall of a fathomless ocean
Its meaning evaporates then appears in the mist
Playing clueless games that end with a twist
Life can be tumult, yet meander in a rut
As uneasy as the feeling we get in our gut
Or the war of bacteria called intestinal fortitude . . .
Which side are we on for the cavorting brood?
And what flag will be raised at the end of the fight —
Skull-And-Crossbones or Smiley Face, wrong or right?
Is it good to be bad or bad to be good now?
It is rather confusing what the times allow
Chance rides a pony, Fate straddles a bull
Neither can swim once the torrent is full
And nothing is certain but the undertow
That will yank us all down where lost things go
Balloons and souls, odd trinkets and minds
On the opposite end of discoveries and finds
While seasons unhinge and the weather worsens
Giving more to discuss between semi-strange persons
This world is in chaos, though it’s nothing new
The reports increase, as statistics will do
And we’re caught in the crossfire of the nuts and the stars
That determine the future as we pen our memoirs
Shedding crocodile tears in a deluge of remorse
At the end of the day like a rocking horse
Merely riding in place, never reaching the sunset
Where endings are happy and all twains have been met.
Falling Star
To Earth it fell, wistful as a breath of sound
Or the thin strand of a shed eyelash
That blinked in a shining stellar moment
A man cast a net to the darkened sky
Baffled, perhaps, his directions reversed
Believing it would capture a dream
Collect wishes like a glass jar
As a cobweb catches the dust
Or he might have glimpsed its path
The burning arc of steep descent
Flaring against night’s velvet backdrop
When one of the stars came loose
And gently cascaded to the ground.
She tossed an engagement ring afar
From the balcony of deep despair
Flinging sorrow into the black expanse
Of a turbulent dusken sea
That merged its edge with the high heavens
And held a coffer of mysteries embraced
Within the distance unfolding from sight
Trailed by a stream of desires spilled
Like sparkling tears out of a broken heart
To waft on the breeze with fayent wings
And carry her wishes through the night
Across the void that was solitude
By the glimmer of a shooting star.
It traveled a curved trajectory
Vibrant as a ball of heat
Surrounded with unnatural radiance
And a glorious flaming aura
Slowing toward land by convulsive shudders
The crew of voyagers recited a prayer
In a foreign tongue of bleeps and clicks
Uncommon features rapt with fear
Hands drifted to meet before the crash
That disintegrated their visitation
The brightest glow touching both horizons
Beckoning a star-struck pair
Who ventured toward the pyre.
bottom-dwellers
They are a strange peculiar sort
Existing underneath
A huge deserted wasteland once
Believed to be of import
But like most truly precious things
Its worth was not appreciated
While lesser values were exalted —
From such disaster springs
There loomed great madness in the brains
Of those who tinkered with sheer folly
And tempted Fate by risking all
Imperiling the sanes
Who never asked for poison pies
When pattycaking mud
Or birds to line the earth feet up
Upon a bed of flies
Smart folk dug deep anticipating
The sure and only outcome
To building monuments of peril
The survivors are awaiting
Their chance to pick up pieces left
By the waves and cannonballs of fire
Amidst the bones of desecration
That remain of the bereft
A smarter race would have aligned
And halted such pure madness
Or never let the few control
The fate of every kind
Common sense should have decreed
That craziness should not dictate
The consequences all must face
From the hazards born of greed
For days are short and lives too dear
To be wasted with harsh lessons
These bottom-dwellers paid the price
Now their future is severe.
the fuddy duddy
His days are spent recalling a moment
When everything changed, spinning out of order
In a haywire flash of screeching metal
And his careful life crossed a directionless border
Where a free-for-all zone led to Havoc’s doorstep
An unholy mess of bedlam and dismay
The playpen of despicable measures
That would take his breath, his composure away
And transform him into a fuddy duddy
By turning his hair to a stark white shade
Adding wrinkles from woes and a hunched-over posture
From the Greek tragedies of pandemonious parade
A trail of torments, large puppethead terrors
A line-up of grueling ordeals and travails
That beat him down to the pulp of a person
Raining fisticuffs in a chorus of wails
Reducing his spirit to a tattered sheet
Like an impoverished ghost without a tailor
To stitch his seams and redeem his soul
Or patch his canvas like a waterlogged sailor
Now resigned to perching on a lonely porch
Railing at dogs and children as sport
His mind in reverie, a shallow remnant
Of the man behind the worrywart
Dressed in age, wearing a sun-speckled veneer
Disguised as a crotchety cantanker
Who had once been young and optimistic
Before rusting to an anchor.
Unspeakable
Here then screams
The woes of generations
That huddle amassed
In the crevices of Time
Unseen by mere eyes
Without X-Ray Vision
To look between the lines
And think below the surface
What hides within
The darkest smallest places
Where deep inside these nooks
Fester and froth
Abeyant secrets
Unable to be shared
Unspeakable
Untouchable
Like beasts that yearn to squeeze and slither
Through the cracks
Of a society
That looks the other way
With an all-seeing glass eye
To view what isn’t there
And contemplate the unknowable
Cherishing silence, brilliance, hyperbole
Instead of the grim chaotic theory
That all alive are but random meals
And hungry mouths
Nourishing the worms and germs
Of this earth
Caught in a great web
A grand design
Existing simply to feed.
Sinistre
It is common knowledge
That there is much we do not know
And things most sinistre in fact exist
Unseen by naked scrutiny below
They sneak around us, flitting just beyond
The senses we most often use
At times in life when we are out of
Luck or time, or haven’t paid our dues
The worst can happen to the least of us
With nothing favorable to glean
Just negatives, the hard cold spaces
We may find ourselves between . . .
And so it was that late one night
In the very early morning hours
When the sleepless stir and shuffle
Swilling java for supposed powers
Came the scratching, came the clawing
Of a larcenistic childhood thief
Who trolled the dark for innocents
To rob the young of their belief
For he thrived on spoiling dreams of hope
Bursting fantasies spoon-fed to babies
The pabulum he had never tasted
And with the voraciousness of rabies
A sleek and glistrous tentacle
Lashed with a nasty surge of dread
Black and eelish, grasping feelish
To snatch a girl from her warm soft bed
And steal off in elastic speed
Recoiling straight to its behemoth source
A roiling nest of viper activity
Replete with devilry, of course
The lair of a wicked mustached villain
Unrenowned, an uncouth guy
Who lurked in stealth abomination
And called himself Sylvester Slye
His suit of pinstripes, needle-nosed
A wealth of glitter on ears and digits
Like a gangster pirate with a black fedora
A crew of swarmy moppets and smidgets
As he ruled the churning Sea Of Sorrows
Mounted between a Kraken’s eyes
Named Barnabus, the villain leered
Reeling in his latest prize
He invited her, sweet Serabel
To join his Circus Of The Deep
A briny spiny extravaganza
Where kids could romp but never sleep
Sera watched as Clown Fish capered
And killer-diller Tuxedo Whales breached
In aerial leaps and bounds of glory
While Tiger Sharks roared, Octo-Pusses reached
Stung by Electric Eels and Jellyfish
Crabs juggling Clams, Sea Ponies prancing
Manta Rays gliding with Guppy-Kids aloft
Lobsters castanetting, Walruses dancing
The wild spectacle of an ocean-tamer
Herded by Sea Dogs riding turtleback
The mastermind had an odd legion of toadies
To carry out his covert attack
The girl was stubborn, a dauntless dreamer
Sera held her breath, swimming with the fishes
And figured out a superior scheme
To undo the wretched Sylvester’s wishes
Still a child, she knew anything was possible
Fairies and magic, Sea Unicorns and Monkeys
The world contained wonders beyond belief
That could defeat Sylvester and free his flunkies
The girl clapped her hands; she winked three times
Recited a Nursery Rhyme, solemnly smiled
Then whistled for the nearest Sea Lion
To give her a lift as the water grew riled
The performers spun in a bubbling whirlpool
Sylvester Slye cracked the Kraken’s whips
His monster snarled in a flurry of constrictors
Master and beast both curled their lips
And bellowed in one voice, an awful howl
But the current toppled Sylvester from his throne
The jaws of a Great White swallowed him whole
And the circus scattered, each to its own
The Fish-Kids floated up and bobbed
Where they reverted from gill and tail
The girl was delivered — a bit soggy yet fine —
To bed where she hugged her Teddy-Whale.