Have you ever dreamed while standing up? How about while standing down? And how do you know that you aren’t dreaming this very instant? You could just think you’re reading this. Or I might think you’re reading it because that happens to be the dream of any writer, to be read. Maybe you are actually a hopeful figment of my dream. And what if, simultaneously, I were a wishful part of yours? Have you ever dreamed that you were dreaming? And in that dream you had a dream? What if all this talk of dreams causes you to fall asleep and dream?
I might not be real in your world. Only in mine. What if we are each of us alone, dreaming our dreams, living our lives that we believe have substance? What if it’s all a hoax and none of this exists? My words. Your view. Your vision — what if that is but a vision? The fantasy of someone else? What if I am in your mind, and your mind is in another’s mind, and that mind does not exist? Or ceases to?
Oh sure, you can rap your knuckles on your head and hear an echo. Least, I can. But does that echo have an echo? And is there any pair of ears to hear it? You see, I can succumb to astronomical conjectures. I can make myself believe that you’re as subjective as a donut hole. Or even doubt my presence because reality is as ethereal and speculative as fiction, isn’t it?
There’s a single-file line for those who disagree. Next to the line containing those who would like a refund of their penny for my thoughts. I don’t give refunds (there’s a sign on the wall, beside the sign that asks you to please wash your hands before reading).
I imagine what I’m trying to say is that it’s common for the train of thought to leave the station without you aboard. We sometimes get caught up in reveries, sidetracked by musings and idle or minor preoccupations. The worst consequence of a total stupor would be to space out to the extent that you forget to breathe. And then there is the embarrassing degree to which you would drool out of the corner of your mouth.
Seriously, I don’t recommend that you allow it to progress to that level. Maintain some amount of awareness and dignity to avoid walking into trees or poles, stepping on toes, plunging into holes, elbowing the elderly by accident . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Huh? Sorry. I must have drifted off someplace.
Where was I? Uhhhh. Give me a sec to collect my thoughts. (Get back here! Now! I mean it!) Oh yes. In addition to a couple of new poems, one inspired by a captivating forest photo, I present two Gothic selections I’ve been saving (okay, one was published in an E-zine called Ghosts And Haunts).
Ah, chuckleberries! I think I’ll write a poem about somebody who lives almost entirely in their thoughts (I’ve got to stop doing that).
May the verse carry you away on a “head trip” of intrigue or wonder or astounded confoundery. And best of luck finding your way back!
Reverie
A pale figure paced betwixt the rows
Her hands a thornish stem did clutch
The dress she wore was black and flowing
Translucent features revealed too much
In reverie the young woman approached
A block of stone at the head of a grave
How sorrowfully did she place her offering
Not even the flower’s life could she save
And yet, a dead rose seems fitting tribute
For the memory of one in life she had wronged
By giving affection, her hand to another
When her love to Dominic belonged
Misspoken thoughts, a simple quarrel
Had escalated out of control
Mere words can vanquish an entire army
Can lead to heartache, a broken soul
A friend was waiting with open arms
To convince she was better off with him
Confused, she allowed herself to settle
For betrothal based on a whim
Dominic vowed not to live without her
And plunged a blade into his chest
Inert she found him — heart gouged, unbeating
His body was laid to rest
In life she haunted her lost love’s tomb
In death her ghost must do the same
Forever reliving her own demise
The moment she cried out his name
Kneeling above where he reposed
Gripped by an icy last embrace . . .
A spirit returned to claim his beloved
Absorbing her warmth, he kissed her face
The stem was thrust into her breast
Like a dagger’s point to end her pains
She crumpled bereft, then joined him adorned
By the spilt rubied facets of her veins.
brain soup
I tend to let my intellect wander
Over the edge and beyond the brink
Till it disappears like a candle’s spark
And I’m no longer able to think
I like to wave goodbye to reason
Pour my brain soup down the drain
It’s wondrously unconscionable
I do love to go insane
For this isn’t an idle daydreamer’s trance
Nor a temporary phase
I’m not in a fugue, it’s my mental state
I am often in a daze
Unbound by bland convention
I don’t care what others do
My heart skips a beat to my own drum
Then undrops the other shoe
If stretched too far, genius will snap
Or exceed its psychic grip
Yes, it’s possible to think too hard
And be crushed by a pensive slip
In the absence of your marbles
When your wrinkles come undone
And lead to much detachment
Just relax and have some fun
For the interest of Science
It is a habit to hypothesize
But I blat at that, my theory
Spouts the need to lobotomize
One must contemplate abstractions
And ponder to extremes
When endeavoring to lose one’s mind
In pursuit of what it seems
Won’t you join me as I ramble
Through the murky fog of mull?
Let us gather wool to meditate
And unhone our wits to dull
Senseless banter is a blessing
True ignorance be blissed
Come and clear the mind of clutter
Let all logic be dismissed.
the voice
The voice made me do it
Not voices, mind you
Just one
This singular nagging annoying voice
That never shuts up
A maddening clamoring incessant rant
My thoughts
I’m not crazy . . . just a little insane
We all are, I think
Or the voice does
I can never be certain
Is it me or a presence?
A separate entity, like I’m possessed?
Sometimes I imagine
A priest flicking holy water in my face
Reciting words to drive out the demon
From my soul
But what if it’s me?
What if it’s who I am?
What if I’m the only one here?
We all make mistakes
Isn’t that what makes us human?
Then I have bit off a humongous hunk
Of humanity today
He shouldn’t have said that
She shouldn’t have let him
The others shouldn’t have laughed with them
At me
There was red splashed everywhere
All over the elevator walls and floor
The ceiling too
All over me
When I whipped out my knife
Weren’t they surprised?
Worked like a charm
Carried for protection from the world
Because I don’t fit in
I’m not one of them
I’m just me
And it’s me against them
I don’t know why I’m sharing this
You won’t understand
You’re one of them and they never do
I live inside my head
It’s where I feel safe
Where no one can touch me —
Shout or lie or hurt or hate!
I’m in control
Out there I have never been, before today
My existence might seem limited
Small and cramped, insignificant to you
But it is boundless; I never get bored
Like a writer always conjuring
A philosopher ever supposing
A reader, peeping at other lives
The voice is my narrative
Thoughts are my eyes
And I am content
With the privacy, the disconnectedness
Of my own little world.
Immortal Kiss
It was my heart a bandit robbed
So late one eve, well after Midnight
As church bells tolled a dismal hour
A blissful scamp would steal my sight
For I could see no other man
Nor concentrate on other things
Immortal kissed, he claimed my love
I lost the promise morning brings
And so I wandered every gloaming
Into the twilight world of sadness
Where once I slept and woke at day
There could be only joy or madness
Where it was there I met my doom
This life held nothing but despair
With reckless strides I dared the gloom
All hope was lost, I didn’t care
Inviting evil to exploit
The barren husk that once was me
His cape was black, his eyes were coal
He stroked my neck in ecstasy
His lips brushed mine as if aflame
That touch affected me to quake
My body head to toe was strummed
And I was helpless but to shake
Then did he bare such wicked teeth
Which pierced like dirks into my vein
A pair of matching wounds would bleed
Emblazoning a mortal pain
With roguish grace he sipped at length
The bitter sweetness of my pulse
As I collapsed in his embrace
Until my body must convulse
He laid me to the earth so soft
There would I heave a final breath
I lay a frozen state of slumber
Like Sleeping Beauty, pale as death
But then at dusk my corpse arose
The trance was shed, replaced by greed
This thirst I felt surpassed emotion
I had but one intensive need
To quench the lust within a bite
Eternal passion could not die
The vain and selfish hunger spent
Out slipped a teardrop from an eye
And still I mourned for what was lost
For all that I would never know
My broken heart, my tainted blood
Had caused the evil man to woe
Now both of us still haunt the night
Confined to hours that others sleep
No peace exists for restless souls
Who stroll undead the darkness deep.
Photo By M.A. Walters
in the midst of moss
How I’ve stumbled through life without a clear map
In so many directions and pitfalls at once
While deep in my heart, always knew what I wanted
Life hurtled its hurdles and left me a dunce
There’s a yearning, a wistfulous mustering call
That speaks to me over the error of ways
Ofttimes I can hear it, although it be soft
I’ve been meaning to answer it one of these days
To that end I embarked on a journey of the soul
An adventure to seek all I let slip away
Those dreams never realized, ambitions too lofty
The secret desires I was too shy to say
There are so many lives that one person can live
Much more than a cat’s worth, I’m telling you now
It’s the fool who lets time pass without ever trying
And a pity to miss what the mind won’t allow
So I set off to capture that youth I had squandered
And follow the footsteps I neglected to forge
For being too timid, for being distracted —
Believing the lies from the lips of the scourge
I have seldom been lucky, so as fortune would have it
The forest that beckoned was enchanted and dark
Shades of emerald and willow and moss were abundant
I plunged beyond boughs on an exuberant lark
I rushed and I gushed, I cavorted at whimsy
Unfettered and glorious, expediting with haste
To dance with the nymphs and frolic with sprites
I could live there forever, not a moment to waste
Until in its crux, at the pith of this jungle
I found myself trapped and unable to tread
Moss coated the branches, it clung to the bark
I stood in the thick of a deepening dread
The plants didn’t creep yet were spooky and dangled
A chill made me tremble and gulp just the same
I was lost at the core of a breathtaking place
And quivered from a phobia that I couldn’t name
It was simply a sense that I’d be swallowed up
Engulfed by the forest, sprouting roots like a tree
That the moss would overwhelm who I truly was
I’d forget there was more of the world to see
Blood of regrets stained drooping sad limbs
Like shaggy teardrops of hanging loss
That surrounded me in that needled enclave
Far from home in the midst of moss
Any wood has its phantoms, invisible dangers
A surrounding of eyes and the pulsing of beasts
It is fear that alerts us of which we must listen
Proceeding with caution to our wests and our easts
If I wasn’t afraid, I’d have stayed in that garden
Been tangled again by the bonds of restraint
From restricting myself or impeded by others
Anchored too long in a fairytale faint.