Have you ever had to walk around without a thought in your skull? How about an absent mind? It occurs to me. I can be a very thoughtless person. I’m kind of used to it, in fact . . . . . . . . . . . . . You’re still here. Are you waiting for something? I hope you don’t think I have anything to say. One might certainly expect with such a topic for there to be the opposite. Even more than usual. I think I’ve said all that I can say given my current mental state. What do you mean, if it occurs to me then I must be thinking something? There’s nothing that occurs to me when that occurs, got it?
I suppose I could wrack my brain to wring a thought or two from the folds of its squishy gray matter. It won’t be easy. First I have to decide the best means by which to get inside my head. Does anyone have a pickaxe or saw? A cleaver, perhaps? Or maybe a machete? How about a pair of extremely long pliers? While you scrounge up the necessary equipment, I’ll just contemplate the wind between my ears.
Ooo, nice! It’s like listening to a seashell. Hmmmm. If you listen to a seashell by the seashore, how can you be sure whether the sound of the ocean you hear is from the shell or all of those waves splish-splashing onto the beach?
But enough about that. How terribly thoughtless! I’ve left you dangling like a participle, haven’t I? I do tend to do that. If only I knew why. Being thoughtless, I haven’t the foggiest of ideas. C’est la vie. Que sera, sera. Around, around it goes; where it stops, nobody knows. I’m afraid that’s the best I can manage without giving it more thought, which I can’t do since I don’t have more thought to give. Does that indicate I’m brain-dead? I like to think I’m merely preoccupied. A wee distracted. Attention-deficit-disordered. I assure you it’s only temporary. It’s just most of the time and more often than not. It’s as if my thoughts wandered and never came back. Yes, that’s exactly what it is.
Of course, it’s possible too that my brain was consumed by a hungry zombie. Or picked apart by critics and vultures; inquisitioners and plagiarers; copycats and belfry bats; a patch of wandering fungus. Or surgically removed by a lobotomist. Stolen by a mad scientist. Extracted through my nose by an Egyptian embalmer who presumed me dead for simply being lethargic. (Hey, these things happen!)
Some people are thoughtless in other ways. Through careless words and deeds. By what they don’t as much as what they do. Then there are those who say what they don’t think and mean. Words without sincerity are hollow thoughts without the ring of truth, forsooth. It’s wise to think before one speaks, but not premeditate or calculate. Speak from the heart. It isn’t always the big things we say and do that matter. Sometimes the little things add up, amounting to our measure.
Ah, thoughtlessness. How I’d love to wade the shallows of its depth. But if everything we’ve ever thought might come unthunk, would our thunkenings become neverthoughts? Would our afterthoughts be too late? Would our shouldas become less than zero or lost in space? It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?
Typically, I don’t actually know where I’m going with this. If I could think, I would probably have a clue. Or I’d have never begun this rambling thoughtless preambling in the first place. Alas I did and so it’s done. I can’t erase the past. I could delete these words but then I wouldn’t complete my column. There is in that this, as in this that, and thus I shall have to be stuck in the muck of my own making.
While I claim no responsibility for any thoughtlessness that bursts out of my noggin, I will tell you this: Let an umbrella be your umbrella, because smiles only work for candy sprinkles, baby showers, and figurative monsoons.
April is the month of williwackery and fuddlebeduddlement, in which there are deluges of madness along with delusions of fools falling from the sky. There can also be bucket-sized raindrops that may require the genuine article, and a sturdy one at that!
Which brings us to the question, have you ever felt silly when wet? It’s a bit like being slippery when wet without the hydroplaning. It’s plain ridiculous is what it is, and I must advise against it. Which is why you should always remember your trusty umbrella, good for rain or shine. And if you should need to clobber someone. Or float downward with dignity instead of a lengthy drawn-out shriek.
I think I’ve managed to not say enough about anything. Which is almost as deep a subject as well, or as broad a topic as hmmmm. And entirely as conclusive as drat! Aw, the heck with it — let there be poems . . .
thoughtlessness
Can one, I wonder, run out of thoughts?
Is there a limit to your consciousness?
Like a sea defined within its shores
A line of finish, more or less
Can the thinking tank go empty?
This is one of my worst fears
That I could wind up like an idiot
And stay that way for years
How it plagues me drawing blanks
And will leave a loss for words
Thoughts might take to wing abruptly
Like a startled flock of birds
The threat is like a neon sign
A lightbulb blinking on and off
Intelligence can waver so
I may lose it with a cough
In the waggles of a bedraggled mind
Sprouts the minatory millet grain
Of the seed of doubt wherein lies out
That which nothing can explain
I have many specularities
Which come and go at will
Yet I can’t contain them in my brain
Through lips or ears they spill
As if my head has sprung a leak
And is draining me of inference
Which could spell the end of all implied
Would I even know the difference?
If my wells and sighs should runneth dry
Might I lose conviction and intent?
Shall I try to save what I have left
Ere my words become what isn’t meant?
My cranny’s neither sponge nor trap
Much more fell out than what went in
It’s filled with silent ponderings
That can cause a raucous din
But is every thought inside at birth?
Do we think them up as we go along?
Can ideas be replenished
Like the dinging of a dong?
Would it be all right if I cognite
And present a fleeting supposition
That opinions can be just as void
As unsightly recognition?
Well, I must conclude without conjecture
And in lieu of due deliberance
That the lack of thought, it seems to me
Would just leave us in suspense.
The Glowers
In a crinkled blink of a bloodshot eye
Was a thought reflected that made men die
Oh, the tremorous truth of the matter would be
That this eye had power to more than see
When an orb is evil as a wicked witch
And can cause the eyes of the beheld to twitch
It was said of olde and cannot be untold –
When The Glowers get you, the blood runs cold
Knees melt away like a candle’s wax
The chest fibrillates like twelve heart attacks
Flesh will split as if sorely whipped
Faces are peeled and severely stripped
None can escape once the look them eyes
For its gaze cuts deep and it never lies
You can’t guard against that awful glare
Or return it, endeavoring to outstare
When it targets you there is naught to do
But say your prayers and bid adieu
The only defense is to never meet
That Evil Eyer with a breath not sweet
Who reeks of rankness, skunken rot
Dragging the bones of a gaunt mascot
A snarly sabertooth mammoth glomp
That bubbled out of an infestuous swamp
This Eyer possesses no masterplan
Except to wreak such ruin as can
It walks in a shroud of mystery
And has stalked men’s souls through history
Should you find its gander trained your way
And detect the stench of maudlin decay
Too late, The Glowers have come to pass
A senseless fate, so cruel and crass
Your last thought will be, “Egads, why me?”
As you’re swept into abominy.
undecided
There’s a muddle in my head
And I can’t get it out
I’m not sure where it’s going
As it spirals in doubt
Out of answers, only maybes
Too much is never clear
It keeps going round in circles
And is neither there nor here
It’s like swimming in a goldfish bowl
Without a destination
Like hanging on to nothing
Or a thoughtless rumination
Like thinking in a box
Where there aren’t any walls
Or standing in a phone-booth
Yet making no calls
Crossing the line
That hasn’t been drawn
Mowing the grass
And never the lawn
Lending a hand
But giving a fist
Like seeing for yourself
What doesn’t exist
So I’ve come to the conclusion
I will leave it undecided
The solution to a riddle
Leaves the blank unabided
If I chose a single choice
I would have to be inclined
To never take a chance
On losing my mind.
one day it rained
The sky grew dark by Noon
Like Night without a moon
Its gale would wail as leaves set sail
A harsh unholy tune
The storm had reached a town
And did its best to drown
Low bugs and slugs with puddled glugs
’Twas really coming down
The people fled in fright
The heavens turned to night
While rain devoured, malignance showered
It was a wretched sight
You’ve never seen a squall
Could puncture through the wall
Each drop was fire, the town a pyre
Before the wet should fall
Amidst the flames then flood
Did also pour some blood
As black as oil, then red turmoil
That turned the land to mud
If this were God’s intent
Apocalyptic-sent
The town would pay on Judgement Day
Descending souls Hell-bent
But with no verdict came
In no Creator’s name
The ghastly wave that none would save
Or ever be the same
Such tragedies exist
Manmade or lacking gist
They come along, no right or wrong
In the sudden of a twist
And so one day the rain
No weather could explain
What happened then could befall again
The world had gone insane.
ode to monsters
Some of us love monsters
And would hug them if we could
But their kind would doubtless rend us
For being so misunderstood
Those of tale or film transform us
Through their grumbliness and charm
We may tremble at their presence
Yet they never bring us harm
It’s the normal ones to watch for
It’s the human beast to fear
Whether deadly or just diabolic
With a weapon or a leer
All my life I’ve separated
True monsters from pretend
How I cherish made-up creatures
Like a long-lost childhood friend
There’s a sense of kindred spirit
In the heart of every fan
Who has ever loved a monster
Ever sought the boogeyman
They might not be comic heroes
And may even look disgusting
But they’ll be there when you need them
For some thrills while never rusting
Creature Features on the tube
Became a ritual event
Back when monster magazines
Were how allowance should be spent
The Wolfman, Mummy, Blob and Birds
Simplistic, yet they left their mark
Far more than fancier effects
I watched eyes wide and feared the dark
It was an era growing up
That shaped a Horror Generation
The Zuni Doll remains possessed
In my imagination
Now trilogies are commonplace
And graphics jade the budding mind
In splashy color, three-dimension
Gone the magical spellbind
Of youth so sweet in grayish tones
A life of books and films, game-boards
The slower pace of true embrace
When moments paused to be absorbed
The monsters of my past exist
As real as if they live and breathe
And through my words, my humble stories
I will their legacy bequeath.
A Larch
A larch grew in a shady grove
Where motion hardly ever hove
So dense the thicket and remote
Concealed, embraced by elaborate dote
A jungly mungly sheltered tangle
Riper than a newfound-fangle
Dense and dark and twice as deep
In all but smallness could not creep
The larch’s boughs were ever green
Needled, bristling, seldom seen
How sad, such beauty unadmired
Except the few least awe-inspired
A humble lot too preoccupied
To heed what Nature sought to hide
Until the day when stumbled on
Precisely at the hint of dawn
This treasure buried in the copse
An emerald tree with fears and hopes
The larch drew up to its full height
Presenting quite a splendid sight
To greet the hiker open-armed
The visitor was moved and charmed
Communing there till late at night
By solitude of lantern-light
Profundant silence did abound
In understanding without sound
An intertwining, mind and spirit
A song and dance, though none could hear it
Should others follow as they do
And peace be fractured, more the rue
A careless toss, a smoking stub
Would kindle flames and there’s the rub
For paradise will have its end
A perfect day cannot extend
Beyond the moment two lives meet
When worlds collide and time is sweet
Too good to last, it has to fade
As sunlight always turns to shade
And thus this larch must stand alone
So rarely glimpsed; again unknown.